Words and Lyrics by DarkMark ;-)

Characters are property of Marvel Comics.  No money is being made from this, no infringement is intended.

Mutant Band

Proof, if any more is needed, that DarkMark should
seek professional help.  To the tune of Billy Joel's
and Ray Charles's "Baby Grand."  Ladies and gentlemen,
together again for the first time...

XAVIER:
When it's down
In the dark of night
I reach out
For someone to fight
Someone blue,
Someone icy,
Storm comes through, Jean quite nicely, too,
Make our stand,
My mutant band
Is all I need.

MAGNETO:
I have fought
FF and Defenders
But you know,
They are just pretenders
Up against
Your fine students
Even with your imprudence,
Understand
Your mutant band's
Been good to me.

X:  I've had legs
But I've lost 'em twice

MAGNETO:  And I've fought others
But they're not as nice

X:  I've trained newbies,
Lost 'em fast enough

MAGNETO:  And my children,
The Avengers took them from my hand,
But your mutant band's all right by me.

X:  They say, no one's gonna sing this on the
internet--

MAGNETO: What?  I don't believe that!

X:  Don't believe it, Mags.
They say, comic filks are dead and gone.

MAGNETO:  But only wars like these,
Like the Skrulls and Krees,
Keep those zombie kids buyin' on!
I've come far from the Warsaw ghetto--

X:  Long before they called you Magneto.
At the mansion, when I'm lonely--

MAGNETO: Xavier, you just phone me when you can.
Your mutant band
Opposing me.

X:  Ever since this mag began--

MAGNETO:  Your mutant band's--

X AND MAGNETO:  Been good to me.

(Note: Pronounce "Magneto" in the above lyric to rhyme
with "ghetto".  Why?  Because I said so!)

Mr. Wolverine Man

(To the tune of Bob Dylan's "Mr. Tambourine Man")

Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
There's a few more villains that you haven't yet run through
Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
From a reasonably safe distance I'll come following you.

Though I know that last week's X-MEN was really kinda lame,
Sorta downright tame,
Altogether just the same as last month's leavings,
Your goriness amazes me, you're facing half the Hand,
Left ‘em slaughtered to a man
Made the Red Cross gripe about the wasted bleeding.

Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
There's a few more villains that you haven't yet run through
Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
From a reasonably safe distance I'll come following you.

Find me sixteen bad guys whom your claws have not yet pricked,
They haven't seen your trick, they haven't heard your snikt,
It'd really make me sick, if I had to see it outside of a comic.
And then you carve up all sixteen of those poor villain men
Then you carve them up again
Just to make sure that you haven't missed a one of them.

Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
There's a few more villains that you haven't yet run through
Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
From a reasonably safe distance I'll come following you.

Though you might face Mafiosi, alien conquerors and such,
You don't seem to be in Dutch, never fazes you that much,
You just rip intestines out and keep on grinning.
And if you hear vague traces of the censors in review,
It don't seem to bother you, as you lacerate your crew,
Up to victim twenty-two,
And sales figures seem to offset all the skinning.

Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
There's a few more villains that you haven't yet run through
Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
From a reasonably safe distance I'll come following you.

Then take us to the action's end as quickly as you can,
While you slaugher half Japan, and wipe out Afghanistan,
Leave a bunch in new-dug graves, you're our Mr. Lecter's fave,
Pausing only for a shave before resnikting.
Yes, I'm glad you are a hero, I am glad you're on our side,
While a thousand bad guys died, and your bloodlust's not denied,
With the Punisher compete, leave stiffs littered on the street,
Don't you think "Thou shalt not kill"'s a bit restricting?

Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
There's a few more villains that you haven't yet run through
Hey, Mr. Wolverine man, kill a guy for me,
From a reasonably safe distance I'll come following you.

*SNIKT*SNIKT*SNIKT*SNIKT*...

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