by DarkMark
Just thought of this one while in #subcafe, and went
ahead with it, for better or verse.  Break out your
old ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW albums, and follow along...

KINGPIN: It's astounding...all this bleeding.
 Firepower takes its toll.
 But keep up the shooting...
ELEKTRA: Not for very much longer.
KINGPIN: I must maintain control.
 I remember starting the Gang War
 Dreaming of moments when
 I'd be with Vanessa
 And no voice would be calling...
ALL: Let's start the Gang War again!
 Let's start the Gang War again!
BULLSEYE: It's just a stab in the chest
ELEKTRA (AND ALL): And then a thrust through the eye!
BULLSEYE: Fire your guns from the hips
ELEKTRA (AND ALL) And watch the meatballs die!
 But the machine-gun burst
 Is what cuts them into twa-a-a-a-a-in...
 Let's start the Gang War again!
 Let's start the Gang War again!
VANESSA: It's all so darn bloody, and really quite cruddy.
 I'm not quite fuddy duddy--
 I just really deplore
 All this violence and killing
 But I find it quite thrilling
 To be with a Kingpin, whom...I adore!
KINGPIN: Spider-Man and Daredevil
ELEKTRA: Could end up quite level,
BULLSEYE: Afterwards there'll be revels
 O'er their graves
KINGPIN: Such a big celebration...
BULLSYE: After your coronation!
ALL: Let's start the Gang War again!
 Let's start the Gang War again!
ELEKTRA: Well, I was walkin' down the Quad, saw some terrorists
 Had my dad at the window and some guns in their fists!
 My boyfriend tried to help, they shot my daddy dead,
 Twisted me up and rearranged my head!
 It was then I came to realize,
 A girl's best friend is just a pair of sais!
ALL: Let's start the Gang War again!
 Let's start the Gang War again!
BULLSEYE: It's just a stab in the chest
ELEKTRA (AND ALL): And then a thrust through the eye!
BULLSEYE: Fire your guns from the hips
ELEKTRA (AND ALL) And watch the meatballs die!
 But the machine-gun burst
 Is what cuts them into twa-a-a-a-a-in...
 Let's start the Gang War again!
 Let's start the Gang War again!

(Burst of gunfire.  Everyone turns to the door.  The PUNISHER enters.)

PUNISHER: How'd you do?  I seem to've killed your favorite front-door man.
 Should have knocked, but kind of thought that it would spoil the plan.
 Don't get strung out by this big white skull,
 Don't get unnerved by my Uzis.
 I'd just like to annihilate all in this room
 And then get in my Jacuzzi.
 I'm just a Vietnam veteran
CHORUS; Vietnam veteran
PUNISHER: Vigilante...on a vendetta-ha-haaa!
 Let me give you a plan, maybe show where to stand,
 So you'll be facing the wall there.
 I'll get it all through in just a minute or two,
 And they can bring in the pall-bear.
 I'm just a Vietnam veteran
CHORUS: Vietnam veteran
PUNISHER: Vigilante...on a vendetta...ha-haaa!
KINGPIN: I'm glad you caught me at home.
 Couldn't you have just phoned?
 I'm just a simple spice merchant.
VANESSA: Right!
KINGPIN: If you'll just wait right outside
 Until this last knot is tied--
 It couldn't be all that urgent!
PUNISHER: Well, you got caught without pants, so, baby, don't do that dance,
 I'm not a Bugle reporter!
 I guess I'll just do a flip to see who gets the first of this clip--
 Has anyone got a quarter?
 I'm just a Vietnam veteran
CHORUS: Vietnam veteran
PUNISHER: Vigilante...on a vendetta...ha-haaa!
 So...step up to the plate, and...
 Meet your fate...
 I see you shiver with dire contem----
  (SAY IT!)
 Plation.
 But maybe the gun wouldn't be all that fun...
 So I'll give slower means con--
 Sideration!
(Punisher sits down, Kingpin has Bullseye bring him some coffee, and Elektra and Vanessa play spades while the guys talk business.  Fade out.)
 
Characters in this filk are property of Marvel Comics.  No infringement is intended, no money is being made.

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