I saw her today at the convention
A hot young artist in her hand
I knew that she had pro intentions
And that she just saw me as a fan
Well, you can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
But if you try sometime
You’ll find
You’ll want what you read!

I went down to the comic book store
To get all my books for the week
Sayin’, “You better have my Supreme now,
If you don’t want a p.o.’ed fan geek!”
Sing it to me now…
You can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
But if you try sometime
You might find
You’ll get what you read!
Ah, baby, yeah…

I went down to the comp’ny editor
To go try and sell him a script,
I was standin’ in line with Neil Gaiman,
Who looked at me like a bad trip.
We decided that we would have a sandwich,
A club for him, me a French dip.
I read my work to Mr. Gaiman
And he upchucked all over me and my script.
I said to him,
you can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
But if you try sometime
You just might find
You want what you read!

(chorus goes “Ahhhhh” for a very long time, climaxed with a big Mick Jagger “Ahhh-WHOOOOOP!”)

You want what you read!
Yeah, ah, baby…

I saw her today at the convention,
She was signed to write seven new books
She was practiced at her manipulation,
And six editors had exhausted looks
(Sing it to me now)
you can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
But if you try sometime
You just might find, you just might find
You want what you read!
Ah yeah, ah baby, woooo…

You can’t always read what you want, no no baby
You can’t always read what you want
You can’t always read what you want
But if you try sometime
Well you just might find, you just might find that
You want what you read!

(Al Kooper piano riff reaches for the skies, chorus trying valiantly to catch the highest note they can.  Much percussion.  A splendid time is had by all.)

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